R u ok?

World mental health day

When my world was intruded by cancer mental health shot right up to the top of my priority list…here’s the crazy thing, cancer shouldn’t have been the reason for this I should have been the reason to choose mental health as a priority a long time a go

Honesty

I almost felt excused for having mental health concerns because of my situation , when in fact I spent the first few months of diagnoses and chemo not only addressing cancer, but addressing past mental pains too, actually I would go as far as saying this took 70% of my thought time. I would scream at myself and say Ive just been diagnosed with cancer for crying out loud deal with that!!! But I couldn’t , I couldn’t get past previous pains I had because I hadn’t dealt with them, I had in fact for years sugar coated everything with a smile, kept my pride (so I thought) and battled on, I didn’t have much time for my mental health.

Mindfulness a place to start

A few years before diagnosis I started to practice mindfulness which came in handy as it gave me a head start but I wasn’t prepared for the immense past hurt to creep in.

I faced all of my fears through chemo, current and past, and let you me tell you this took every bit of strength in me , I cried a river quite literally most days and felt so much pain inside. It hurt but …I had to do it, I had to address these things to move forward and ultimately deal with the card I have been dealt.

The point I’m trying to make

Here’s the thing, I was too busy for me before cancer , and for that I’m thanking cancer, for waking me up and for allowing me to deal with things deep within I was too scared of because now, at my weakest time I felt fearless .. I found the strength and inner belief to deal with this.

Don’t wait for something else to happen to make you face your demons or pains, reach out to others, ask for help, admit to yourself firstly that you may not be ok right now but with self care and support you will , you’ll find your fearlessness and you will take action for you by you. The clouds can lift.

Help

I am by no means saying it’s as easy as this , I learnt this first hand. I found help because I opened up, I was ‘allowed’ to show weakness because of cancer , my nurses spotted something in me that I had locked away , and that was inner hurt , I guess it was written all over my face. I gave in to it, I knew that the inner emotional pain needed to be shifted, kind of like a blocked sink, you need to get the dirt and grime gone , the blockage cleared to make way for a free flowing stream of water …well the same applied to me. I had to deal with pains and unblock the emotional torment within to allow myself to come face to face with cancer. To truly understand myself , and ultimately believe in myself.

It’s ok not to be ok

It’s ok not to be ok, admitting what seemed like defeat was actually winning the biggest award you’ll ever achieve, self love, self worth, self strength. These awards will fill you back up and refresh you so much you’ll feel like an abundance of incredible powerful energy rushing through your body.

Now

Well now , right now, I’m finding my new normal, I dealt with the back log but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t creep in at times, what it does mean is that i understand how to pin it down and let it move on without holding it within.

Your world goes back to normal but have a new normal, so right now I’m learning my way with it all, I’m me but different and right now I can’t even explain that, but this is another reason why mental health is so very important. To have a clear space to deal with your current situation, ask yourself how many times have you totally lost it because something which is minor to your life sets you off into a whirl wind and out of control? If this tiny, almost irrelevant situation has caused you to loose it …ask why? And ask what is the underlining issue, what has been festering away inside to cause such drama to such a tiny situation.

What you may find like me , is that there are past concerns that have been buried deep that come out when you least expect and totally throw you off course , we’ve all been there “WOW why has she lost it over something so little , she’s crazy ???

Well crazy is certainly not the correct terminology, someone may be hurting hurting, they may be in pain, We must remind them that it’s ok and ask ‘is there something else causing you stress’

Maybe if you ask the question you give that person the space, the place which they can go and say , actually I’m not ok, actually I’m hurting , actually I’ve not dealt with x y or z, actually I could do with some help right now.

Ask

So mental health day , going to painful places of course hurts, we will always have things we must do with our day but rarely do we give the time to ourselves to address inner hurts.

if you see someone struggling , if someone doesn’t appear to be themselves or deal with a situation as they usually would ask , are you ok , do you need to talk ?

Open up , we all need to open up and let’s not wait to bad things to come along and force us to this place of opening up.

Letting go at times is the most empowering thing you’ll ever do and the most powerful thing the mind could ever give you.

That C word again …cancer

I know, I really do know how hard it is to open up about how you are feeling, I also now understand how hard it is to open up about cancer, to talk, to ask for help, not to try and be strong all of the time but instead show that you aren’t managing quite the way you want others to believe , but honestly sometimes that fall, that slip can teach you so much about yourself. It will hurt but if you have those around you which you can trust in, if you seek help in those who can give advice from experience or those who work for cancer charities who are literally at the end of the phone, don’t feel like you aren’t coping because you need this help. You aren’t, you are however doing incredible, you are doing your very best but please share the load, because I can promise you this, you aren’t alone.

Where I turned

I turned to loved ones and I shared my experience through this very blog, met amazing people from This along the way, they themselves going through tough times helped me and I hope I was help to them also.

Trekstock a great charity to talk to they offer help and support to adults in their 20’s and 30’s affected by cancer

Breast cancer care, they have people you can talk to at the end of the phone, give you support and help to point you in the right direction

Your nurses. My breast care nurses really helped me, buy they couldn’t help if I hadn’t opened up, they want to help, they want to give you direction so don’t feel at all ashamed to say ‘I’m not doing ok right now’ talk to them.

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